Rurouni Kenshin featuring
by QueenPotatos
Summary: Multiple crossover fic, mostly with Ebichu Minds the House, but with every kind of stuff I like. One night, the crazy French medical student that I am got stuck into Kenshin's World, because of a misunderstanding... Rated M of language and cause Ebichu is basically an ecchi. Chapter two : RK featuring Ebichu Minds the House !
1. Featuring QueenPotatos!

**Author note : Hello my dear friend ! Welcome inside my crazy mind !**

**This fic is really...different, and crazy.  
**

**It's a crossover fic between Rurouni Kenshin and Oruchuban Ebichu _(Ebichu Minds the House)_, which is an ecchi, telling the story of a talking Hamster who wants to help her owner with her boyfriend Kaishonachi _(litteraly 'useless man'). _It's hilarious but pervert so I won't tell you to watch it but you might see the opening to have an idea of what Ebichu looks like.**

** www . youtube dot com / watch?v = Pfvp7kCpbX k  
**

**You don't really have to know that manga to enjoy the story ^^ I'll put some other information at the end of the story.  
**

**The first two chapter settle the story (cause yeah there is a story) and after, the guest will show up !  
**

**I hope you'll have a nice time reading it cause I had a great time writing it !**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Rurouni Kenshin and Oruchuban Ebichu. But I plan on buying an Hamster and calling her Ebichu one day.  
**

* * *

**Chapter one : Featuring QueenPotatos...**

**An misunderstanding**

Hi everybody.

I'm a normal and happy Rurouni Kenshin fan girl, just like you. I'm completely crazy about the Live Action movie right now...just like you...But, I've got a huge secret.

I'm sure you have notice that my pen name is QueenPotatos...but, are you sure it's only a pen name?

Well, I must tell you that, the answer is no!

I am...the Queen of all the Potatoes in the world! - _Don't move. I'm really talking about Kenshin later in this fiction I promise._

One night, after saying my prayers to our Goddess - the Goddess of all the Potatoes in the world… You're still following right? -, I went to sleep, thinking of how cool Lupus* was - I love...weird auto immune diseases-, when, suddenly, I heard a voice talking inside of my head. I first thought it was a dream but...but...

"Potatos...Potatoooos! My lovely Queen...It's...Me! Your Goddess!" whispered the peculiar Voice.

"_What? I can't believe it!_" I thought immediately. Internal Medicine is really working hard on me...

"I found a large truck full of Camembert and ice cream today, so I'm in a particularly good mood! I chose to grant one of your dearest wishes." The Voice continued, its tone remaining low and hushed.

"Objection!*" I cried with a hypothetical finger pointed in front of me. "Can you prove that you are my Goddess? Where is your evidence?"

"Hum...with my mystical powers...I can see...that you were thinking Lupus is cool! Erk! How can you?! This is a very serious disease!"

_Oh my gosh,_ I thought again,_ she really does have great powers!_ "But...I can't help it...I like critical patients! I know it's bad..."

"Anyway" the Voice carried on nonchalantly, "think of your dearest wish my Queen! Think..._wisely!_"

What shall I do?

I can...find a way to cure AIDS? Win a Nobel Prize? Date Alex Turner? Possess Watsuki-sensei's body for a minute and make him draw a "Kenshin and Kaoru kissing scene"? - I have a great sense of priorities...-

"Okay then!" concluded the voice. "I've seen your wish with my great powers! I'll send you into the Rurouni Kenshin World to see Kenshin and Kaoru kissing each other!"

_What?_

_No! No, no, no, no!_

However, it was too late. I could feel my body levitating and my vision becoming blurred. Everything around me went black and I started my descend into the unknown...

I felt my back hurting violently as I landed on the ground. Then, I heard someone say something like "Oro" and a woman's cry. In that moment, I wasn't really able to breathe so that didn't seem to be really important...

_God that hurts! I must have broken my spine. I won't be able to walk again! I won't be able to be a doctor! I won't be able to play Just Dance! Ever! Goddess of Potatoes, if you hear me, _SCREW YOU!

As I tried to move, I felt a great pain in my stomach. I ended up passing out. Youhou!* Great holidays, really, thank you, I'm really happy you chose to grant my DEAREST wish 'cause I'm having such a good time here.

When I woke up, I was laying on the ground again. Well, on a futon, approximately the same thing, with a rock under my head that appeared to be a pillow upon further examination. I managed to sit upright, looking around the room I was in. It was a wooden interior with a sliding door. I stood up and opened the shoji; it led me into the garden. There, a little boy was playing with a small red ball while his parents were sitting behind a tree, kissing each other.

I was still a little bit befuddled, but I was shocked to see so much ginger hair in Japan during the Meiji Era. Maybe Kenshin wasn't an exception after all...

That's when evidence hit me.

The 'Oro'...the red hair...the fact that I was rescued by complete strangers...

I was at the Kamiya dojo!

I fell flat on my butt. The sound that my royal backside made against the ground made everybody in the courtyard look at me.

"Oro?"

"Look Kenshin, she's awake!" said Kaoru, obviously very happy. If I had been a terrorist or another one of Justin Bieber's fans*, it would have been the same thing. Maybe I should play with her a little.

"People of this dojo, I thank you very much for saving me." I said very politely, bowing. "Let me introduce myself. I'm Queen Potatos. And I'm the Queen of the holy lands of potatoes, where all the happy potatoes lives, and go swimming in seas of peanuts oil."

"Potatoe!" screamed Kenji, still playing with his red balloon.

"And where are the lands in which you live in, Potato-dono?" asked Kenshin.

_Kyaaaa! _

_He called me Potato-donoooo! Please, stop blushing. Really, stop blushing RIGHT NOW. Kaoru's __going to__ kill you otherwise. But that's so cute! And he is so cute. So...so...Okay now you are as red as Kenji's balloon. __Hmm, very clever…_

"My country is...on the other side of the ocean!" I answered him. That's right; potatoes come from America after all.

But where was my real home? Two centuries later? How can I explain that situation? 'My Goddess misunderstood my greatest wish and sent me here so I can see you kissing each other?'

…

_Wait a minute..._

"My, you made a very long trip, that you do" Kenshin commented, his eyes wide as saucers.

"If you want my Queen, you can stay here at the dojo until you find a way to go back to your home. The harbor is only a twenty minutes' walk. If there is something we can do to help..."

_A way to go back home…? Maybe I've got the answer..._

"I think you can help me, that you do." I replied. Oh my god. Am I really talking like that? I need to get out of here and quickly. "I've been...cursed, by a very evil person...and that's why I'm here! But I know how to break the curse..."

"Evil grrr!" said Kenji, running into his mother's arms.

"And what shall we do to break your curse?" Questioned the young ginger's lovely mother.

Well, either I am a very talented writer and manage to find a really good story in less than fifteen seconds, or...

"Only love can break the malediction! Only a true and beautiful love...Something like your love. I can see it! You're perfect for each other! Your love can release me! All you have to do...is kiss each other!"

Kaoru nearly lost hold of Kenji and Kenshin dropped his jaw. Maybe I wasn't being very convincing. I was preparing to sigh when Kenshin suddenly took Kaoru's face in his hand and delicately joined his lips with hers in a very chaste kiss.

I could feel the butterflies in my stomach flying! There it is! The moment we all wanted to see! If only I have brought my phone, it could have made a good picture...-wait a minute. What is that in my jean's pocket...? Eh. I'll come back to it later.

When their lips parted from the kiss, the two of them looked at my blissful face and smiled at me. A flash of light appeared all around me, enveloping me. I closed my eyes: that wasn't worth a Nobel Prize but it was a very good moment indeed. I can finally return home in peace.

Well, that's what I was thinking – and you would probably be thinking that this story is crap but...wait for it. The white luminous glow condensed into a small sphere that touched the ground before it disappeared into the dirt. And from that light surfaced...

" Kyaaaaaaaaaaa! A rat!" cried Kaoru, jumping into Kenshin's arms.

"It's not...a rat..." I said, completely hallucinating.

"I'm not a rat, you old and frigid woman! I'm Ebichu the hamster! Oruchuban Ebichu! Dechuuuuu.*"

_I couldn't believe it. That voice...it was... THE Voice! Ebichu was my Goddess! She was the one who sent me here...She was the one who mistook my wish...The one that got me struck here..._

"Ebiiiichuuuuu" I groaned.

"Nanona?" She answered, her forefinger resting on her mouth, blinking rapidly.

The next thing the little hamster saw was my fist and her own blood pouring from her nose as she flew across the courtyard to end up fitted into the wall's dojo.

"Aaah...I was just...trying to help...chun chun…" She whispered.

Kenji jumped from his mother's arm and ran to the poor bloody Ebichu. He took a branch and touched the hamster with the tip. He repeated his maneuver a certain amount of times before his parents finally stopped blinking and started laughing.

As the day went on, I finally get the chance to talk to my Goddess Ebichu before Kaoru started making dinner. We didn't have a lot of time, if we wanted to get out of this time trip alive, we had to return home before eating Kaoru's food – and I'm very serious. Kaoru could have defeated Shishio just by giving him a single onigiri.

"Ebichu...you...the Goddess...I can't believe it!" I started, still not really believing what I was seeing.

"I know, Ebichu is very beautiful and sexy, but-"

"I'm not talking about that! I was suppose to go home now that I've seen them kissing!" I told her, pointing to Kenshin and Kaoru drinking tea inside the dojo.

"Ah-ha! That's what it costs to say "screw you" to a Goddess." She retorted with a sadistic eye.

"But I don't even want to be here! You misunderstood my wish first. I wanted a Nobel Prize."

"And Ebichu wanted a Camembert, but she's not complaining like an old virgin who's too shy to buy a dildo!"

"But you already ate Camembert you stupid rat!"

"...Camembert..." she said, salivating.

How could that totally moronic hamster be my beloved Goddess? Even my houseplant had a better IQ...

"You called me "houseplant"?" Growled Ebichu, her voice turning terrifyingly venomous.

I looked at her and saw her eyes had turned dark and...And...I watched helplessly as her little form doubled, equaling my height until her size jutted me out. There was now a three meter hamster in the middle of the Kamiya dojo.

"DECHUUUU" Groaned the giant hamster.

"Oh, I know! It's just a nightmare." I said very calmly. "I'm going to wake up very soon. I'm sure I fell asleep reading some dermatology's books again. I should really drink more coffee next time."

"Pinch!" said Kenji, literally pinching my cheek. Kaoru and Kenshin had mysteriously appeared next to me, Kaoru holding her child, who was amazed by the gargantuan living form inside his house, but not really scared. _That's because he is too small to figure out what it is,_ I thought_. Little kids aren't receptive to magic tricks_.

But to my greatest surprise, his parents weren't scared either. Kaoru was frowning, probably thinking hard about something and Kenshin was just staring, calculating his chance to defeat the giant form.

"I'm not really sure…" Started Kaoru. "But I think Iwanbo was taller".

"I'm glad master Hiko decided to help this lowly self, that I am," added Kenshin with a nod. "I'm taking care of this while you put Kenji to bed. I'll be there in a few minute. Don't worry baby...ouch!"

Kenji had just pulled his hair.

How can he defeat giant Ebichu when he can't even dodge his son's fingers?

"I think a Ryu Sho Sen should do it," Kaoru whispered. I'm beginning to think that everybody can read my mind in here. I really have to go home quickly.

After just a single blow, Ebichu fell unconscious on the ground and went back to her original shape. Kenji brought her to my room and made her a little bed for tonight. At that point, I thought nothing could go worse.

That was before eating Kaoru's cooking.

The day after, I was lying on my bed, not really wanting to get up. There was nothing interesting to do in the dojo, except cleaning the household, and it wasn't my cup of tea. Speaking of tea, I'd like a large cup of jasmine tea...with a croissant...But croissants don't exist yet in Japan. Damn it. Ebichu I'm going to kill-

"Tada!" exclaimed the little Hamster, holding me a hot croissant.

"How-how did you do that!?" I nearly screamed.

"I'm a Goddess. I can summon anything I want! Do want some coffee with your croissant my Queen?" she asked me.

"Oh yes with some milk and an orange juice!" I answered with my cheerful voice.

"Then kick your ass and prepare it yourself!" she groaned, throwing the croissant in my face. That was more than I could handle. I took the little form in my little hand and pressed her against the wall.

"You're gonna listen to me carefully Ebichu...why am I still here? They kissed each other...twice! And I'm still here! I'm on duty tomorrow with Doctor Love and I can't miss that!"

"Arg...Ebichu is...sorry...problem with the wish...arg...Need to breathe..."

"You're a Goddess ! Don't tell me you need to breath." I said very seriously.

"Arg! How do you know Ebichu's little secret!? You're a witch." She added with narrowed eyes.

"Just tell me already. I'm sick of it." I finally let her down and reached my bed once more. The whole situation was turning me crazy. A lambda fan girl would have been very pleased to be here with her favorite manga character, but, I'm a medicine student, I can appreciate anything that stops me from working.

"Maybe...maybe Ebichu messed up with the person who has to kiss..." She started with her little voice.

"I've seen that. You're not teaching me anything new, little rat."

"I'm not a rat!" She stopped shouting when she saw my angry face and continued. "I think...you're the one who needs a love kiss!"

"WHAT !?" I jumped on my feet. Have I heard the right words? ME? KISS? LOVE?

"You're only working on your books, then, working in the hospital, you're never out with friends or boys! You need love more than anything! That was your secret wish and I'm gonna grant it! Dechuuuuu!"

She flew to the opposite wall after I slapped her with all my strength.

Then, I was here, at the Kamiya dojo, waiting for prince charming to come and kiss me. I know I should have watched more Disney films. That would have been much easier. Well, where is prince charming for a 21st century girl. Maybe he could be hiding in Meiji Era?

* * *

**Author Note : So yes ! I have to find my soul mate in Kenshin's World...what an horrible nightmare...haha I'm joking! I'm sure you've noticed some '*' here and there on the script...They're just here to give you some informations about some references.**

*Lupus : also called systemic lupus erythemarosus, is an auto immune disease where part of our immune system attack our own body : vassels, kidney, skin...It's a very rare but serious disease that can lead to kidney failure and miscarriage. Even death if you're not lucky...It affect young women mostly. As it's complicated and serious and rare, I love Lupus XD

*Objection! : here I'm imitating the principal protagonist of Phoenix Wright : Ace Attorney. It's a game developped by Capcom for Nindento DS, where you play the role of an...ace attorney. And it's AWESOME !

* Youhou! : I don't think you say that in US or English speaker's country but it's an onomatopoeia I used a lot. Usually it shows enthousiasm, but here it was more cynical.

*Justin Bieber : I know, now it's more One Direction but hopefully, I'm hermetic to that sort of ...music...(it hurts to say that it's actually music)

*Ebichu's way of speaking : Kenshin has his "de gozaru", Ebichu has her 'dechu'...it's an hamster so don't be rude with her!

That's it ! If you have a few more question, reviews ! If you think it's stupid...well, you're an idiot but we're in democrasy so you can review too...

**Next chatper will be out very soon ! Thank you for reading!**


	2. Featuring Oruchuban Ebichu!

_**Hello my dear readers ! Here is the chapter 2 of my crazy fic.  
**_

_**Here are some details to remind you of the plot (cause yeah, there is a plot. Little. Tiny. Microscopic)  
**_

**Characters :**

_**Ebichu**** :** it's a very cute but stupid hamster, lewd and fond of camembert. People say she's the evil big sister of Hamtaro. That's all you need to know._

_If you're ready this fic (rated M remember) it also means that you're old enough to watch an episode._

_Oruchuban Ebichu is an ecchi so be careful, but it's so funny. I'm completely addicted._

_**I = QueenPotatos**** : **Or Potato-dono. French bilingual (almost) medical student stuck into Kenshin's World because of Ebichu's stupidity. A little bit crazy. Had to find love in order to go home in time for her final examination._

**Disclaimer : I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin nor Ebichu minds the house. But I own myself. Well, I think...  
**_  
_

* * *

**Chapter 2 : Featuring Ebichu the Hamster...**

**The holy "for/against" note book**

**_Remember last time Ebichu told me that, if I want to go back to my time, I have to find true love on Kenshin's world..._**

And there I was, walking on the roof of the Aoiya, with a cup of green tea in my hand and Aoshi sitting next to me. I had already finished my cup, and I was blowing off the steam to make it colder. I summoned all the courage I could muster and brought the hot liquid to my lips...Omagad it's too damn hot! I swear...ninja had super powers. Or really good resistance to pain. And surely much more esophagus cancer than the average population.*

I took my "for/against" notebook***** and re-read it again. I had to make a decision and, for Aoshi, it was rather simple.

"Shinomori Aoshi, you're a 25 years old dark haired guy who drinks tea. And...That's all I got in my 'for' column. Whereas my 'against' is as long as my 345 item I have to work for my final exam, which is, a lot."

"First, you're tall; very tall. I don't know how Misao is managing but she must have a stiff neck every time she looked at you. I don't wanna know what it must be like when you're kissing... Beurk!*

"I see that you're not even reacting. That comes second in my list: you're cold. You look like an old woman with too much Botox and who cannot smile anymore. And you're only 25! That means that you're emotionless. Like an emo. And that's bad, really bad, really, really bad. I'm sure you'll like twilight and that's one of my other 'against'!"

"Not mentioning about the fact that you're not drinking because you had problem dealing with it."

"Well, I'm really sorry Shinomori, but, you're dismissed*!"

And he continued to look at the stars in the sky without bothering to acknowledge my existence. That. That pissed me off. I was going to strangle him when Ebichu held the end of my red kimono.

"Ma ma, Goshujin-sama* calm down."

My journey for finding happiness wasn't going well. As soon as Ebichu told me I had to find true love in Kenshin's World, I glanced from Kenshin to Kaoru. Not because she was next to him mind you, but because she was next to ME with her bokken. Soon after the bokken was brought down upon my head, rendering me unconscious until the following morning.

Back in my room, with Ebichu's advice, I decided to make a list of any Rurouni Kenshin's men - yes, I asked Ebichu for an advice, I'm a little bit crazy sometimes, especially when I didn't have my coffee.

'Cause there's no coffee in Meiji Era Japan remember!

When I've finished the list, I immediately crossed out Kenshin's name. There was only Sanosuke, Yahiko, Saitou, Dr Genzai, Aoshi, Shishio's ashes -

"Shishio's ashes?" gasped Ebichu with her mouth wide open.

"Well...I'm sure he'll still be sexy in a funeral urn." I have an issue with bandages.

"Hahaha! Bondage!" laughed the little Hamster before I smashed her and made her fly into the opposite wall, a blood trail following her.

"Is everything okay? May I come in?" asked Kaoru's polite voice from behind the shoji.

"Hai!" answered Ebichu, and she mindlessly opened the door to the person that tried to kill me yesterday. I already love my little Goddess.

"Oh you're so sweet! You bring us a snack! Goshujin sama. Look!"

"No! Don't eat that rice ball Ebichu! Noooooooo!"

But it was too late. I saw the scene take place in slow motion. I jumped and raised my hand to stop her, but, she made the inevitable (like Chanel n°5...sorry Brad Pitt, I have to make this joke). The onigiri had entered her mouth and she start chewing by the time I reach the ground. But then nothing happened. She ate the whole ball before looking at me again, with her adorable blinking eyes.

"...Goshujin sama..."

"What do you have against Kenshin's balls?" frowned Kaoru.

"Nothing!" I replied, trying not to be disturbed by Ebichu's hysterical laughter after Kaoru's hint. It was so obvious that she must have done it without realizing. "I'm gonna take some right away."

"Oh oh oh oh!" Right, now Ebichu was full-out laughing. That day was going to be...very long.

After kicking Ebichu outside the room, Kaoru took my meal tray and smiled back to me. I really felt ashamed. I knew her by heart. She is such a trusty woman, the kind that I'm not. To think that I dare to think she wanted to kill me...when she was so nice to me...

"Are you feeling alright Potato-san?"

"Oh yeah, thank you. And, hem, sorry for...you know." I tried to apologize as well as I could, but I wasn't really good at it.

"Don't worry about that, I'm used to it right now. Just...one more thing," she added, taking my chopsticks in her hand. "Do. Not. Come. Near. My. Husband. AGAIN!" She glared at me with creepy eyes and broke the chopsticks with the strength of her fist. "Or, I will kill you with those!"

"You're trying to impress me?" I answered, challenging her. "I can kill you with a splinter if I want to!"

"Ma ma, calmed down young ladies." said Kenshin as he stepped into the room. "Kaoru my love, Yahiko is waiting for you inside the dojo. I'll take care of Potato-dono's dishes, that I would."

He was so cute, saying 'my love' to Kaoru. Both she and I melted at the sound of his voice. Mouh, that guy was so perfect. With the exception of the ginger hair and the scar. But, it's kind of sexy for men. He's short too but...well I'm 1'58m too so...

Then a weird noise took me out of my reflection. Something like a pencil against paper...

"Ebichu! what are you writing on that notebook?" I asked her after finding that she was the cause of the noise.

"A "for/against" contest course!"

My, this little rat was brilliant when it came to love. I've completely forgot about her super powers and her...secret identity...that I will reveal in a later chapter..._(auto promotion : done (check))_

A few moments later, when Kaoru was finally out of the room and my life not in danger anymore, we've finished the list of my hypothetical future lovers, starting with :Shishio's ashes - still on the list yeah-, Seta, Anji, Okina, Cho, and finally last but not least Enishi.

Realizing I didn't have anything left to do here at the Kamiya dojo, I packed my stuff and said goodbye to the Kenshin-gumi, with a little regret. I would have like to get to know them a little more...

I took the map of old Tokyo Ebichu had mysteriously found inside a Camembert packaging and together we started walking around the city, hoping to find one of the men writing on the damn list.

"Goshujin sama" asked me Ebichu as we were half way to the market place, "nan de kana*... How can you kill someone with a splinter?"

"It's simple. I just have to find dung or roses. I put the needle in the earth and then I can give them tetanus*. Hehehe I know, I'm evil. I'm using my medical knowledge to find how to kill people with no hygiene rules Mwahahahaha !"

"Geez, you're really evil..."

We finally found the Akabeko. I couldn't leave Tokyo without seeing Yahiko in his uniform...Huhu I'm damn too evil for my own good. And there he was! Sweeping in front of the restaurant. As I didn't seem to stop laughing, Ebichu pinched me hard to get me back on my sense. I know I know, I've got a lot of things to do...

So let's get back to the point. I have to find a man to come back home. So, let's start!

**Sanosuke :**

"He's in China you know," Yahiko informed me.

Okay, so no Sanosuke. I'm tired of long distance relationships (girls, this is a BAD IDEA. Bad. Really.)

Sanosuke : dismissed !

**Yahiko :**

He was just in front of me. Even if he had grown up during the five years after Jinchuu, he was still...so damn young. Corruption of a minor; definitively: no. (And, girls, do not do that either! Bad bad bad...)

Yahiko : dismissed!

**Saitou Hajime**

"You know that he's married, is a Wolf of Mibu, and a real bastard," Yahiko intervened again.

"An extramarital relationship! No no no Goshujin sama! And girls do not do that- Errrrg." groaned Ebichu as I slapped her.

"Shut up, Ebichu. I'm crossing Saitou. I've got principles."

"Yeah, I'm happy to hear that. You're not that hopeless, after all."

"Yeah, I'll never date a smoker...again" And, girls, if you're non smoker, don't let your boyfriend force yourself to smoke. Bad for your lungs and heart. _(Cardiovascular prevention: done (check))_

Yahiko looked at me weirdly and went back to the Akabeko. We chose to continue this brainstorming near the harbor**.**

Saitou Hajime : dismissed !

**Dr Genzai**

"Baaaah! Bah bah bah bah!* It's a grandpa!"babbled Ebichu.

"Oh yes, and, I can't stand his granddaughters. They're not even in the manga. Why on earth did they put them in the anime when they're not making the Jinchuu arc? Why Ebichu? Why ?!" I asked her, completely hopeless like any normal Rurouni Kenshin's fans.

"Stop – shaking – Ebichu – like – a – shaking baby."

Dr Genzai : dismissed !

"So, the next one is Aoshi. I guess we'll have to travel to Kyoto.. I've always wanted to visit this city, but I'd never guess that I'll have to walk from Tokyo. It's gonna be so damn long. And I don't have my basket. I'm gonna have blisters. And a sprain." I complained**.**

"Or I can teleport Goshujin sama there," Ebichu helpfully put in slowly, like if it was totally natural, with her finger on her mouth, thinking hard.

"Or we can take the bo-What did you say?"

She merely blinked her eyes.

A few minutes later, we were in Kyoto, trying to find Misao and the Obiwabanshu at the Aoiya. Kaoru had given me a letter to explain the situation so that we could stay inside the inn. We finally reached our destination and everybody decided to help me in my journey for finding happiness. Well except Misao when she learnt that Aoshi was included in the list...

And there I was, leaving the roof where Aoshi stood, his cup of tea still in his hand, not moving, not talking. How can Misao handle that?

"I think she speaks for the two of them," cleverly remarked the little hamster.

After leaving the city of Kyoto we led to the mountains. I ended my journey at the Mount Hiei. I sighed; Shishio sama was dead, and...

"I can't find his ashes!" I cried in despair.

Ebichu eventually hit me for saying such secular words. It's the pot coloring the kettle black...

"I'm so depressed. And I haven't had coffee this morning. You know what I need?"

"Oh yes! Ebichu see exactly what you need! And Ebichu needs this too!"

That's when she ran over me and kissed my cheek. I froze for almost ten minutes before pushing her into a tree.*

I was, of course, talking about being drunk.

"Well, we might as well visit Hiko Seijuro while we're still in Kyoto. I'm sure he'll give me some sake after seeing how miserable I am."

"Hiko Seijuro...Hiko Seijuro...is it a girl?" asked Ebichu.

"...Haaa hahahaha! Not at all! But the idea is kind of funny."A mental image of Hiko on hills with a short dress came out of my mind and cheered me up a little.

I heard someone sneeze in the forest. That must be him! We're close...

"But, Goshujin sama, why didn't you write his name on the list if it's a man?"

"Ah, yes. It's a hermit, a lonely man, that only has a place for him and his ego in his little hut. And believe me, it's already too small., But otherwise he's nice; I think you're gonna like him."

I didn't really understand why Ebichu's eyes started to shine like stars and diamonds but right now, I needed a drink more than anything.

* * *

"Really? So your patient was a doctor? But how did you react when you learnt that? This must be very disturbing for a student." Hiko mused aloud after pouring me some more sake. I was already really, really drunk, I mean, I was missing my cup each time I lifted it to my mouth. And Hiko was still pouring sake for me like normal. I think he's pretty drunk too, he mustn't have realize it yet.

We were sitting outside his hut, near the camp fire. He was being so funny and nice to me. After my tough day, that's exactly what I needed. Sake, and laughing, and a massage...

"As you wish, Goshujin samaaa!"

Okay, now I don't want anything else.

"So, what happened after you left Aoshi? You looked up for Cho?" Hiko asked, almost concerned.

"Yes, but, the guy was a mooorroooon. He was like: yeeeah I love swords and you're as skinny as a sword... Well, actually, in all honesty, I didn't get anything he said. But, but, he had...a very suspicious hair style. That's why I said no!"

"A suspicious hair style you say..." repeated my host.

"I didn't find anything strange about that," commented Ebishu in a small voice.

"It's because you never saw '_There's something about Mary'*. _It's an old movie with Cameron Diaz-"

"Movie?" said Hiko.

"Cameron Diaz?" said Ebichu.

"Hum, it's a PLAY ...with a lady that plays the principal role...and on this play there is a very famous scene where-"

"Where the principal actor caught his cock on his zipper!"exclaimed Ebichu exultantly**.**

"Eh... No I wasn't talking about that scene... Anyway, it's when she found some sperm on her new boyfriend's ear and mistook it for some gel. So she put it in her hair and... she ended up with Cho's haircut. CQFD."

"CQFD?" said Ebichu.

"Ce qu'il fallait démontrer, of course. Désolé. When I'm drunk, my maternal language takes over."

"...You're looking to strange plays in your country young lady, you know that?"

He looked at me with a serious death glare. I was like...I'm so druuuuuuunk I don't even realize you're about to kill me. So I grinned, and he responded to my grin with another grin, and we laughed all together under the twinkling stars.

The next day Ebichu told me how I ended up in a ethylic coma and how I shouted "Power Ranger Transformation! Recovery position! Recovery position!"* All night long.

I was dealing with the biggest hangover of all time when I decided to move to the Aoiya. I couldn't stay here in front of such a great person in this state. I had to check on Okina, Seta, Anji and Enishi very soon if I wanted to return home before my final examination. As I stoop up and tried to get my balance with not much succeed I have to admit, a voice stopped me.

"Where are you going young girl?" Hiko's voice boomed in my eardrums. I put my hands on my ears but found out that he was just talking normally. Damn sake. He was sitting on a boulder in front of his hut and was looking at me with some condescending glare. _Really screw you holy sake!_

Girls, did I tell you "never get drunk with a stranger?" Well, that's bad. Very bad. I should make my own proverbs...I should also make proverbs for men one day...

"I have to go to the Aoiya. I'm sorry to have ruined your night with my puerile behavior."

"So I see you wanted to check on Okina." He said, reading my notebook. "You know he's an old skeleton don't you?"

"I have nothing against old people. In fact, as a medical student, I love old people. They have all the nasty complications and all the chronicle affections and all the side effects of medication, but they are still happy when you come into their room. And you can perform all the rectal exam you want and they'd be pleased!"

"It looks so great to be old on you..."said Hiko, very...cynically? Was he making fun of me? I was going to flame him but I remembered some of last night's event that I never wanted to be known and stopped. I can't do anything against this man...He was really the true master of the Hiten Mitsurugi: perfect sword's style, resistance against time and against sake.

"Well, I guess it's a goodbye. Where's Ebichu? She has to take me to the Aoiya."

"You can't go by yourself?" asked the swordsman.

"...I've got a huge headache right now. I don't think I'm gonna make it without paracetamol and my glass of milk".

"Ah, you're talkative, clumsy, small, and flat as a board. You hold grudges and on top of that, you're lazy. No surprise that you're not married yet." I took the first thing I had in view – a small pebble – and intended to throw it against Hiko's head but his voice cut me off. "But sorry, you're little rat stays here. She's going to be my next...student!"

What?

Ebichu?

With...a SWOOOOORD ?

I couldn't help but imagine her with a knife and saying "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu: Hamster sui sen!" and cutting a Camembert in pieces...poor Camembert...

"Don't make that face. She's only going to learn ceramics."

I sighed in relief.

"And, as long as she stays here, you can stay here too. I'm going out to chop some wood to make another small hut so you can sleep inside tonight."

That means that I slept outside last night. Great. I'm gonna have a pneumonia and Fleming isn't born yet.*Great.

Ebichu was sniggering with her scary eyes again as she drew something on my notebook with a biro**.** I didn't know what she was thinking right now - but come on it's a rat, I don't know if she can already think of something...when a little detail disturbed me.

"But...Ebichu, where did you get that biro? Is there already some in Japan?"

"Of course not Goshujin sama, I teleported it from your time."

"Oh, I see..."

And she only smiled at me in return. Seriously...I tried to calm down but it was too late for the next to be dead Hamster.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU COULD DO SUCH THINGS, STUPID RAAAAAT!" I yelled, making the birds peacefully twittering in their nests fly away.

"Maaaa! I can teleport all sorts of things, for I'm a Goddess, something that you seem to forget a lot lately. But I can only teleport things once a day."

"Save me, Ebichu" I knelt in front of her. "I implored your mercy. Give me some Paracetamol, please!"

"Well...I've already summoned something from your time today...Gomen hehe."

He he. When I saw the empty cheese packaging inside the hut I lost control of my fist and hit Ebichu who ended up spiraling into Hiko's back.

That's how my days with Hiko Seijuro started. I've never thought things would turn out that way but, life is life you know.

For then on, strange events started to happen around me and the Kenshin-gumi...Things that neither of you will ever expect, never even dream of...

Things like...

You'll see in the next chapter !

* * *

**Bonus 1***

A young boy was also walking on the roof of the Aoiya. He was drinking some green tea with a sword on his waist, dark short hair and an emo look plastered on his face. He was a ninja, too. Aoshi could sense it.

"Does it bother you if I sit here?" asked the young ninja with a red fan on his back.

"Not at all."

The two of them stayed silent for half an hour.

"You're a womanizer, aren't you?" asked Sasuke Uchiwa first.

"How did you know?" Aoshi questioned, eyes widened in astonishment.

"We're kind of alike. Today Sakura and Karin insisted on hitting on me. I'm tired of this. I just wanted to be the strong man on hearth and take my revenge on those who killed my family. That's all."

"Yeah, I totally understand you. Misao and that strange girl with a funny French accent kept on asking me strange questions all day long. I just want to be the strongest swordsman in the world and kill Battousai to avenge my late friends- wait, no. That was me before losing against Battousai."

"So, that's what happened when you lose. You're still being chased by fan-girls and you still have to struggle to find some time to drink your tea alone?"

"Yes, it seems."

"...I definitely can't lose against Naruto."

**The End!**

* * *

**Lexical / References : **(in chronological order)**  
**

*** ****esophagus cancer :** Japanese have a higher risk of having esophagus cancer 'cause they eat hot foot and smoked fishes

*******for/ against notebook ****: **you know like Ted's one on himym

*******Beurk! **Yuck in French.

*** ****dismissed ****: **That was an MTV shows I could see when I had a lot of channel, long time ago, I don't know if it still exists

*******Goshujin-sama ****: **how Ebichu called her owner (kind of "Master")

*** ****Nan da kana : ** means "I wonder" in Japanese, and it's also the tittle of Ebichu's opening.

*******Tetanus**** : **(goddess I have to make some wiki here to write that u_u) It's an affection causes by the toxin of a bacteria : _Clostridium tetani. _It's characterized by a prolonged contraction of skeletal muscle fibers. Nowadays, it's a real problem in developing countries and for non-vaccinated people, with 30% of mortality in France for example.

*** ****Ebichu's kiss ****: **Oruchuban Ebichu episode 3 : she does the same thing with the real Gojushin sama, when she means a orgasm.

*******There's something about Mary**** : **I'm referring to the beginning of the film with Ben Stiler and the prom, and then near the middle/end of the film, with the first date between Ben and Cameron Diaz. That film is awesome. By the way I don't own that film too!

*******Power ranger transformation**** : **It's something you couldn't really understand cause it's a reference to one of the most liked VDM = Vie de Merde, a French concept known as FML in English.

There it is (in VO!)

_Aujourd'hui, j'ai fait l'amour avec mon copain. Quand nous avons changé de position, il a crié : "Transformation Power Rangers !" VDM_

In English : _"Today, I've made love with my lover. When we changed our sexual position, he said "Power Rangers Transformation!" FML._

That's my favorite of all time XD

And yeah FML is French ! HAHA !

*******Fleming :** A lazy scientist that saved half of the planet just by forgetting his mushrooms on his board when he get to vacation...He discovered Penicillin guys! He is a hero ! The story is kind of fantastic, like vaccin against small pox, one day maybe I'll tell you those stories...

*******Sasuke Uchiwa**** : **I'm a huge fan of Naruto (the manga, not the character, please) and of Sasuke (yes, I'm a girl) and I couldn't help but notice the resemblance between those two. So I decided to make a little scene at the end of the chapter. I'll make a lot of those scene in the future I hope ^^

* * *

A/N : I hope you liked it ^^

Now that the plot is settled, I'm gonna start writing short (I hope e_e for my beta too) drabble with some guest from other anime or video games or whatever I like. If you have any request, reviews :)

Next chapter will be about Kenshin coming to Hiko's place with a new technique he learnt in Greece...do you have an idea of what it could be? Hum...Wait and see !

I'd like to thank my beta for supporting me and helping me, even if she had a lot of things to do =) Now everybody thank her! NOW !


End file.
